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Bang

Promo for a friend’s book out on Amazon.com soon. Bang by William Butler.

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This was written today. I had a bad day. See if you can make this coherent enough for you to understand why I’m so frustrated.

I don’t like it! Not happy here! She talks about nothing, rambles on, and sends us to the lab for what? To teach us how to use Google? I didn’t go to her class today by accident. They charged me 15 cent to print out an outline! WTF! A receipt for 15 cent? For real slow moving turtle librarian. I left that paper there, because my slow ass doesn’t carry 15 cent to give a turtle lady. The only person that should be asking for 15 cents from me is a homeless man, not the turtle lady. I didn’t have 15 cents! Now that I don’t have my outline, I can’t do my slideshow! I need to do my slideshow! It’s like a kazillion percent of my grade. I didn’t even do my 7 page paper for the Expo. Writing lady. Why? I’m not learning nothing from it except that the bitch needs to find a new job! Are these signs that Nash isn’t for me! I found 2 pink Starburst in my car while looking for 15 cents! I only had 10 cents! Finding 2 pink Starburst at the same time is like - a good omen! Well - to me it is. Shit. Who I’m kidding. I just want to write books, not learn how to work Google! I’m across the hall now. I hear that damn Expo. Writing Lady talk about the same thesis shit she’s talked about since day one. She should work at Target or something, not teaching. Her gray hairs get on my nerves too. Just hearing her voice sounds like freaking William Hung trying to sing. I’m a bitch.

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This was written today. I had a bad day. See if you can make this coherent enough for you to understand why I’m so frustrated.

I don’t like it! Not happy here! She talks about nothing, rambles on, and sends us to the lab for what? To teach us how to use Google? I didn’t go to her class today by accident. They charged me 15 cent to print out an outline! WTF! A receipt for 15 cent? For real slow moving turtle librarian. I left that paper there, because my slow ass doesn’t carry 15 cent to give a turtle lady. The only person that should be asking for 15 cents from me is a homeless man, not the turtle lady. I didn’t have 15 cents! Now that I don’t have my outline, I can’t do my slideshow! I need to do my slideshow! It’s like a kazillion percent of my grade. I didn’t even do my 7 page paper for the Expo. Writing lady. Why? I’m not learning nothing from it except that the bitch needs to find a new job! Are these signs that Nash isn’t for me! I found 2 pink Starburst in my car while looking for 15 cents! I only had 10 cents! Finding 2 pink Starburst at the same time is like - a good omen! Well - to me it is. Shit. Who I’m kidding. I just want to write books, not learn how to work Google! I’m across the hall now. I hear that damn Expo. Writing Lady talk about the same thesis shit she’s talked about since day one. She should work at Target or something, not teaching. Her gray hairs get on my nerves too. Just hearing her voice sounds like freaking William Hung trying to sing. I’m a bitch.

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It’s stupids but idk…it gets better

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In my point of view its a friendship but a relationship is not always a two lovers situation. It can be any type of a relationship.

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I’ve never believed I had an imaginary wall blocking a part of me from other people but today I knocked one down not even knowing it was there. Is it possible we have walls and don’t even know it? Sigmund Freud believed in the unconscious mind and that we all did things for a reason but we didn’t understand that reason. His goal is psychology was to help people understand their unconscious mind. The goal of psychologist is to help you understand yourself better. 

You are to the key to everything, meaning the greatest psychologist for you is yourself. Are we too blinded by the outside world to even take the time to understand our own world? I don’t think so. It wasn’t until I really revealed something to a friend till I realized where many of my problems rooted from. This opened a Pandora’s box of reason why I did certain things or why I couldn’t do certain things. For example:  As I grew up I found it hard to really say, “I love you” to somebody because it was so foreign to me. 

It felt weird coming out my mouth, very awkward. When a friend would tell me they loved me I would either try to find a way to not say it or just respond like I’m trying to speaking Portuguese. I couldn’t say it because there was a barrier that was built up subconsciously on the left hemisphere of my brain around the word “love.” The real revelation is, this why many relationships go wrong. Are there things that a partner won’t understand because you haven’t understood it yourself? 

This comes the real test of the relationship. Would you be willing to open up and will they be willing to go in to find out why? 

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In psychology, when you’re a child it’s the most important part of learning. You begin to pick up attributes from your mother, father, and everyone else around you. How come some people grow up and never have nothing in common with their parents? I look at myself and my parents, my views are different from theirs and theirs are different from each others. If what studies say is true I should be like them or at least a mixture of who they are but I’m not even that. 

I’ve came to the conclusion the reason I am who I am today was because my parents never truly raised me, television did. Daria, Hey Arnold!, Roseanne, and the Angry Beavers raised me on their values. I was 5 years old interested in the 90s college scene. I was listening to Fiona Apple on my Fisher Price tape player and no one around me listened to her except my foster parent television. This gets me thinking, are most children raised on television? 

If you look at children of my generation and the children of our little siblings generation you see a major difference. Our television taught us moral values and showed us, in a television way, that things don’t come easy. The 90s was all about grunge, indie, and the new era hippie. While today’s television is teenage girls living with their older brother in a fabulous house with no parental supervision. Is this causing children in the generation after us to believe things come this easy? 

Are the younger generation blinded by the thought of internet fame and coked-out celebrities. I believe it’s all Disney’s fault but that’s just my personal opinion. Has television tried to force the younger generation become older than they are? A foster parent who use to be kind and aspiring now turned into a pageant mom. Glamorizing today’s youth deluded them with a false adulthood causing them not to work hard enough. 

Just like our parents who were raised with Ragean’s values and the paranoia of drugs and AIDS. Did the birth of television bring about the death of family values?

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This song is “Firework” by Katy Perry off her album “Teenage Dream” in stores now! This songs means the world to me. Thank you Katy Perry for releasing a song that gives me hope.

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Sometimes I look back to the days where I was younger, innocent, and nothing really mattered except when “Hey Arnold!” was coming on. I can’t help but to think, what if I would’ve known who I would grow up to be? It’s best not to know what will happen in the future just like it’s best not to know what happens at the end of a movie. It makes it more fun. Sometimes when things look pretty grim I wonder will things become just like I dream it to be. 

When I get in them type of moods the pessimist seems to come out rather than my normal optimistic self. I didn’t plan on going to community college, I was set on going to college in New York City so I could work on school and my career. Once I found out community college was the only choice after being denied to many schools the aforementioned pessimist came out. Now that I’m in community college I couldn’t see myself doing anything else beside the college transfer program at the nearby community college. 

So when times come where things are looking grim and not going the way you wanted it, it might just be what was supposed to happen. If it didn’t, you wouldn’t have learned that something new about yourself, that is needed to continue living happily in this world. Why does our inner pessimist overpower our strong optimistic views?

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Vicki and I looking awkward with Semi Precious Weapons…”smile”